Just Over a Year

I really felt the urge to write over the past few days, but I had such aching in my forearms, I postponed it till I felt better.

Last week, Anna turned one. As we were supposed to do, we made a fuss, with two parties and a pizza night on her actual birthday. Everyone remarks how the first year flew by, and perhaps with time, I'll believe it. Truth is, dear one, we had some difficult days and many long nights.

Overall we are tremendously fortunate to have a health, mostly happy little girl. I always tell people she's social like her mother, but, truth is, she's more so, at least for now. She is very curious about other children and she often screams "Hi" to them from across the room or across the playground. She says "Hi" several hundred times a day. And her smile erodes even the grumpiest of daddy's moods, eventually.

Today it was old theme of reluctant napper. More often she wants to get into everything she can crawl to or grab from a supported stance. Yes, that's her job. It would be great, though, if she stopped to play with a toy or two on the way to reaching for the coffee cup she's spotted on the end table half way across the room. Probably the worst hour so far of her budding toddlerhood was trying to entertain her in a tiny exam room at the doctor's for her one year check, with grand finale of screams and shrieks from needles and blood lettings.

Of course, with the bad comes other good. Her play is more complex, she giggles, she snuggles a bit, she says a few words like 'ball, doggy, blue', and she is starting to moo like a cow. She shows preferences for certain books. She yells, "Bye, bye!" She flatters me by eating my waffles and pancakes. And most of the time, she's a good natured, well-behaved baby.

Tomorrow we're bringing her up north for her first time with Lisa's family, which will hopefully mean some fun for all of us.

For my part, this will be my last entry. I owe her a book for all her work growing to be a year old. I guess as hard as it has been for us, think of how hard it is to adjust in your first year. In that she's done as good as she knows how. Certainly, we'll keep fighting for her.

I love you, little nutter!

Neglected no more

Wow! Sorry, Anna, I really meant to write more between April and June. Since then, Anna's produced new teeth, learned to crawl, learned to say, "Ducky", "Hi", "Daddy", and something like "Birdy". She's a happy, bright, beautiful girl. We've got a doll.

In May we had fun celebrating Mother's Day. Mom got a huge 18x24 picture of Anna framed and a lovely handbag. I treated the girls to blueberry waffles and we had fun at Gene and Sue's playing with cousins, although, at that point, Anna didn't yet crawl. She got a little frustrated watching Rowan zoom around on the grass on that beautiful day.

Something she could and did do, however, was swing, and she did plenty of that.

Among other memorable moments since last I wrote was that after an afternoon at Sue and Gene's, Lisa and Sue gave Anna some dinner, but somehow forgot to notice that Anna wasn't buckled in her high chair. She took a hard fall on the wood floor and bloodied her nose and puffed up her lip. When Lisa came in the door crying, I didn't immediately understand what happened, but Anna was also crying hard. My first thought was that she fell out of the car seat. Anyway, we got Anna calm and, after double checking with the on-call nurse, Lisa gave her a bath and we put her to bed, although we did take the precaution of checking on her, since we were worried about the little goose egg on her head.

Since we've been looking for a different house, we've taken her to a lot of open houses and showings. She likes it less than we do, but not a lot less. Anyway, we put a bid in and are waiting to hear if they counter, accept, or blow it off.

We have read a lot of books together, taken a lot of walks together, giggled and laughed, and have all done at least a bit of crying. Babies give and receive, and some days are harder than others.

Anna and I joined a play group at First Unitarian and most of the time other kids have showed up, and it's great to give her more kid to kid time. Yesterday, she was saying "Hi" to the other babies as she poked or whacked them in the face. I guess it will be a little longer before she's as socially graceful as her mother. Right now Anna and I are about equal, knowledge-wise, although her smile puts her light years ahead.

Here are pics from Mother's Day and times before and after.

Weather and Parenting

Today was, by far, the nicest weather I've had as a stay at home papa. Certainly logged some stroller miles by marching up and down State Street, all for the grand purpose of getting Anna some rubber duckies for her bathtime. Sure, I could have just strolled down the street, but I much prefer to have a destination and a purpose.

While I was downtown I stopped in to say hello to Lori Bessler and her Tuesday crew, but I missed connecting with the 'old guy' volunteers. Fortunately, Lori was there to gush over Anna, so the visit was worthwhile.

The whole day with Anna was a lot of fun, except for much of the last hour. By that time, we're both a little worn out. Her new thing is leaning into me while she's engaged in play, as if to share the experience, which is great. She's quite the schmoozer. Normally my instinct would have been to return her to her stroller to get her to settle down, but she'd already spent a lot time there today, and Lisa wanted to walk with her after work.

After Lisa got home, she did go out and I got a chance to get on the Colnago for a half hour. Looking forward to pulling Anna behind the bike later this summer. In the meantime, it's stroll, stroll, stroll.

Entertainment Factor

This week in the Science Times, the section that comes in Tuesday's NY Times, there was an article that tried to explain current research into why we humans evolved to parent cooperatively. One of the factors that we can relate to right now, especially, is the entertainment factor. The idea is that before the age of TV & movies, babies served as early evening entertainment for couples.

This entertainment is especially welcome, I would argue, to sleep deprived parents, which is most newer ones.

It's certainly hard to remain grumpy, whether it's rational or not, at a 7 month old when she grins and giggles at Daddy. This afternoon, after our long walk in the early spring-like weather, and after some yummy carrots, we played on the floor together for about an hour. Might be the best full hour we've had together, at least just the two of us. The highlight came when I dangled a piece of ribbon above her and snatched away, just as her hands closed upon it to grab it. She giggled each time I did so.

The Times piece argued that babies are socially gifted to provide plenty of reinforcement for caregivers. I would suggest that it's probably even more powerful that, seemingly, the positive coos, smiles and giggles are somewhat random, providing that all-addictive random positive reinforcement that draws in gamblers and, apparently, daddies, all too well. Just ten minutes before our impromptu playdate, she was crying because I wouldn't let her play with the spoon that was delivering her carrots.

Here's another photo from our trip!

Great Weather, Lousy Sleep

Anna turns out to be a good traveler. She handled herself quite nicely on the plane. We were even delayed overnight in Minneapolis on the way home, and although she was extra tired, she didn't seem out of sorts, particularly.

We had great weather, Lisa liked her conference (after switching tracks), and Dad got to push the stroller in some warm sunshine. The only real downside to our trip was that Anna's sleep, and therefore ours, was pretty lousy.

She loved the swimming pool, slept great when strolled along the shore, and really got on a roll (watch video!). Today she played a good chunk of her time while sitting up!

She also turned 7 months on our trip, plus one of her teeth broke through the gum line. She's growing up right in front of us.

One sixth month journey down...

Ok, ok, I've been paying too much attention to Flickr, and not enough here. Guilty!

Tomorrow we travel to Marco Island, FL, our first flight with Anna. It'll be too many firsts for her to list, and most are obvious - ocean (Gulf), beach, plane, airport, Home Land Security...

All evening, which is Valentine's Day, I tried to appear calm - Lisa was more outwardly anxious, but inside, I've got a few butterflies about a long day of travel. Chances are good she'll do fine.

Too tired to write much. I'll just wish us a good trip and include a fun photo from this afternoon.

Bon Voyage!

Happy Baby

I think we have ourselves a little girl with a pretty happy disposition. Sure, she can get grunty and fuss. She cries when she's tired or when it seems the day has gotten too long without her mother around. Mostly, however, she's generous with her little smiles and toothless grins.

Tonight she went along to the tax guy's to see about our return. She did take a substantial am nap at Sally's, but had taken none in the afternoon. It was clear she was pretty tired, but that didn't keep her from grinning most of the appointment. She was likewise smiley at bedtime.

Lisa said she thought that Anna was a brave soul to come out into the world. She certainly forces us to reexamine just what's important and how little we should need to be content. If she can grab it and stuff it in her mouth, she's pretty pleased.

Lately she seems to hug us and sometimes she'll plant one on us. Sometimes that kiss turns into sucking on our cheekbone. She did that to me during our appointment this evening, and when I got a look at the single-minded determination in her eyes, I couldn't help but laugh.

It was a little cold when we heard about the dependent deductions we have coming. Then again, it was also disheartening when I saw how much diapers, wipes, and changing pads came to at Target today.

As hard as her day to day care and well-being has been over the past 6 months, it will likely be harder to teach her about what really counts and to allow her to learn for herself, too.

Crying it Out

Last weekend was horrible. Anna's sleep was frequently interrupted and we were very tired as a result. We shared this with one of the doctors wives at Lisa's work Christmas party (in January), and she began lecturing us on letting her cry it out, that we need to teach her to fall asleep on her own.

As you might imagine, I was in no mood to hear that we were doing the wrong thing as parents. We have tried some of the 'let her cry' in the past, and with some success. With Anna's congestion, however, she's woken more frequently, and has had to have saline shot up her nostrils.

In the process of getting over her cold, she unlearned some of her good sleep habits, although we had never got to the point of having her fall asleep on her own.

This weekend Lisa has been determined to change that.

Friday night, we let her cry, off and on, with periodic reassurance, for over an hour. Saturday night it was down to about 40 minutes. Today we tried to do the same with naps and has success early, but our attempts to get her to sleep on her own failed each time we tried, until we had to leave for Brittany's graduation party.

At the party, she was a perfect baby - no fussing, very little screaming, and she enjoyed all who held her.

She slept some each way in the car, of course, which meant she wasn't completely wiped out by the end of the day.

She had a great time during tubby time, Lisa rocked her for a bit, and she fell asleep inside of five minutes after Lisa put her down.

We hope the good work continues, but in the meantime, here's Lisa, Anna, and Lisa's grandmother Hattie during the party today.

Now that I know that at least Kay is reading...

Ok, ok, I know I'm supposed to be writing this for Anna. Trouble is, it's hard to get motivated for that since she doesn't even know what a letter is. Fortunately, Lisa's Aunt Kay said she tunes in from time to time. It's nice to know there's an audience.

Anna and Lisa are down for a nap after a morning in Janesville nixing our new auto's extended warranty. We took her to her first restaurant in a couple of months, since it's generally easier to get take out. The two previous restaurant adventures, an Indian buffet and Sala Thai, became a bit stressful when she began to fuss. No such trouble today.

Sleep has been much improved in the past few weeks, although she still likes to play the wake up game a couple of times in the evening before settling in. Last night, however, we battled her stuffy nose with saline spray a couple of times during the night and dealt with the crying and sniffling afterward. By 4:30, Lisa had had enough and Anna and I retired to the recliner so that mom could rest properly. Turns out Anna and I did pretty well for ourselves out there, too, as she slept till 8:15. That was when she turned big ol' eyes upward toward Dad, as if to say, "Oh, you've been my mattress for the evening? Now what have you got for me?"

What we had for her was a second attempt at cereal. This time she did pretty well and swallowed the majority of it. I still think the spoon is the main attraction, but so long as she gets a little iron, she can play with the spoon a bit.

Here's photographic evidence (actually, this is from the first attempt on Christmas day - had a video, but it wouldn't post!)

Daycare and Nightcare

Lisa's now back to work four days a week, which is causing her some consternation. Yesterday, when she went to the sitter's to pick up Anna, the area around her eyes was red from crying, which naturally broke Lisa's heart. It made her feel just a little better to be greeted with a huge smile. She still doesn't like to sleep at the sitter's. Fortunately, she took two naps while she was home with Daddy during the am hours.

Fridays are one of my days to stay home with our little girl, so I am pleased that, due to the largest snow storm of the season, Lisa stayed home from work. This also means that Lisa has time to make my favorite holiday cookies, mocha peppermint morsels.

We're almost ready to make the leap to cereal with Anna. I tried to get into Woodman's to get cereal, but it was jammed because of the pending snow. They have an organic rice cereal that Lisa read about in her 'Super Baby Foods' book. Since we do have a super baby, it's only fitting that we feed her based upon their recommendations.

We're also quite close to purchasing a safer winter vehicle - a Subaru Forester, for days like today when Lisa has to get to work, or when we have to drive her to and from the sitter's. I have noticed that if she ever had to get to the doctor while at daycare, our sitter has a monster truck that could endure snow, floods, and probably a tornado or two.

Here's a photo taken during her time at home with Dad and one of the photo that appeared on our holiday card.

A Change for the Better!

Quick update as the frustration of the last post has eased considerably. Anna's sleep is improving by putting her in her own room. Despite our best intentions to make a little more noise around her as she napped over the last months, she's a light sleeper. Lisa thinks our tossing and turning didn't help her much, and we (well, mostly Lisa and her bionic ears), hears everything Anna does when she's next to our bed. To make matters worse over the last month, my cough due to cold has disturbed her sleep and Lisa's, too.

So far, in our new arrangement, Anna wakes twice before 'morning', which is more tolerable for Lisa.

Naps are still a work in progress. Hopefully she'll improve as she gets better rest at night.

Here's a photo from Thanksgiving at Pamela's.

Sleep: The missing element

Last night was the worst night in recent memory, with regard to sleep. At just past four months, Anna has still been sleeping in her bassinet, next to Lisa's side of the bed. This made night time feedings a little less problematic for Lisa, and we assumed that having us near gave Anna a little added security.

Tonight we are trying something else.

Last night, we put Anna down at her usual 7 o'clock, give or take 20 minutes, and unlike most evening, she did not wake up crying 45 minutes to an hour later. I predicted that this would make for a good night's sleep for all of us.

Instead, when I went to bed at 11, Lisa had already placed Anna beside her. Our thought was that she slept better with us. Shortly after I showed up, she began her muted cries and whimpers, which it seems are her way of getting herself back to sleep. Whether it helps her or not, it's very hard to endure. By 1:30am, I burst out with some expletives, saying, essentially that I was going mad. Lisa encouraged me to go into the other room, but I was determined to help get her to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, I relented, but I was too upset to sleep for almost another hour and the guilt of leaving Lisa alone with Anna bore a hole in my gut.

I got up when Anna did and let Lisa get a little more sleep. All told, I had about 4.5-5 hours of sleep. I tried to help our mood by making light, but we both understood that this is very upsetting and agreed to try something, anything else. I did suggest that perhaps a timeshare arrangement with another parent/parents might be a good idea.

Tonight we put her in her crib in her own room, but she woke up 20 minutes after Lisa put her down and could not be calmed while laying down. We went back to the 'miracle' blanket the second attempt and switched her back to her bassinet, hoping that would prove a bit more familiar and comforting. So far, she and Lisa have been asleep in separate rooms for an hour and a half.

Anyway, since I don't know what else lies ahead, I'm off to bed, too. Wish us luck!

This photo is of Anna at 4 months, sitting on her mother's lap.

Almost four months

Anna's personality comes out a little more each day. So far, she's seems like the social animal that her mother is. She really draws people in with her wrinkly nose grin. Of course, she does best when she has plenty of sleep, as she did yesterday. It certainly seems like she knows when it's Sunday, for she took two sizable naps yesterday.

Tomorrow will mark my forth Tuesday taking care of Anna. Generally it seems to get easier. I recall that first five minutes when Lisa left for a full day of work. I wonder how many times I checked the clock to do the math to determine when Mom would be back again. I still check the clock, but it's less often and with less anxiety.

The bad news is that as it gets colder, walks outdoors will be fewer and farther between. Sue's gonna watch Anna tomorrow so I can get a haircut. Patti has delighted in taking her a couple of times, but she, too, enjoys the chance to walk the neighborhood with her.

Inside, her play is changing. She used to be content to whack a ball hanging from a string. Now, however, she wants to put everything in her mouth so she can slather it with a proper coating of drool. She is also less interested in Daddy's roar game, since she's captivated by whatever is happening over her left shoulder. Lisa says it won't be long till she rolls over. Like the rest of us, though, when she does, I imagine she'll think, "Okay, now what?"

She's pretty glad to take a bottle now, but, as I have explained to the feeder-in-chief, it nourishes her, but it doesn't soothe the way breastfeeding does. I suppose that's for the best, but it doesn't make Dad's time so easy. Napping is still a problem, too. I try to nap with her so she'll remain asleep, but, unlike Lisa, I can't breastfeed her back to bed, although I think I'll wield a bottle for tomorrow's am nap, just to see what happens.

Meantime, we'll keep growing her as long as she'll have us. She's heartbreakingly cute! Here's a photo taken during her post-bath massage time.

A Second Attempt

This a second attempt to write about my first experience of staying home all day with Anna. Last time, I wrote out the info, posted it, only to discover I posted it to the Wisconsin Library Association Blog. Fortunately, I figured out how to promptly remove it before anyone could see it.

I tried to write it out again, but I was interrupted by Anna waking from her nap.

Lisa went back to work on Tuesday because her 12 weeks of leave were exhausted. We were most concerned about Anna's stubbornness in refusing to drink from bottles. I hoped that if she became hungry enough, she would settle for a bottle.

On Tuesday morning, Lisa departed, and I glanced at the clock. How long before she would begin to demand milk? I figured we could be friends for the next 1.5-2 hours, at least. If things became really ugly, which seemed unlikely with such a cute baby, I could drive to Deforest, to Lisa's work, and she could have some lunch.

Fortunately, she chose the bottle. She napped. She did all the things that good babies should. Sure, she fussed some, but our fears were unfounded.

Today was a bit more difficult, however, since I had to drop Anna at the sitter's for the afternoon. Our sitter, Sally, is certainly kind and very experienced, but it's already hard to let go. I even changed a diaper so I could stay longer. Eventually, however, I had to leave for work, and I got choked up as I walked down the driveway. It was easier knowing that Lisa planned to drop by during her lunch.

Turned out she turned up her nose at the bottle later that afternoon, and we put up with a little extra fussing this evening. Lisa figured she was a little extra tired from a few new experiences.

Home again tomorrow, so hopefully we have a good day once again.

In the meantime, enjoy a fun video of what Anna and I do when we play:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/matt21cdog-pics/2945642921/Matt & Anna @ Play

The Long Drive

As I write, Lisa has finally gotten Anna to take a nap. Perhaps after a weekend of being passed from Daddy to Grandpa, from Mom and to Grandma, it was too much fun to hang just with Mom for most of the day, and Anna found it hard to rest. Maybe it was gas. You can rarely tell with these young babies.

We were away up north when our friends Chris and Jenny called from Pasadena, CA, to say that their daughter had been born Sunday morning. When she got the phone message and later spoke to Jenny, her impulse was to fly out and help. My thought, of course, it to take one baby at a time. It's certainly plenty for me to handle. In fact, we have had some 'discussion' this weekend about my anxiety about being left alone with Anna for extended periods.

No doubt I enjoy my time with her, especially now that she's more expressive and more able to interact during play. Then again, certain things have changed as Lisa and Anna have bonded more tightly.

For the first month after we got home from the hospital, I took a certain amount of pride in the fact that I seemed pretty good at walking her around and singing to her to get her to calm down. Lately, though, it seems she prefers Lisa's rocking. More troubling are those times when I do all I can to calm her down, yet she only becomes quiet when I give her to Lisa. At one time it seemed that her advantage in soothing her came primarily from her ability to breast feed. Now it's more general than that.

Anna did no less than GREAT in the car this weekend; She slept most of the way back and forth to Butternut, which is more than 4.5 hours in the car. I imagine that some of that was due to Gene's excellent driving and the fact that she benefited from having Mom on one side of her and Grandma Sue Sue on the other.

So as I find new strategies to cope with the protest cries to come, I'll remember that we're in this for the long haul, and we'll get there one way or another.